Lunch with the Executive Secretary

I began writing this as an update to my post in the Mormon Stories Podcast Community, but it was getting too long.

My original post simply said "this happened today" and included this screenshot:

But then the executive secretary sent this response...

...and I posted that in the MSP Facebook group, too.

And then the executive secretary invited me to lunch!

So, for anyone who cares, and mostly for myself, here are my thoughts after lunch.

It was a really great experience.  I left feeling valued, heard, and appreciated.  Essentially, he's been in some church meetings recently where the topic of faith crisis has come up, and he's been doing a lot of research.  He listened to Patrick Mason's fireside, he's familiar with Mormon Stories, and he's offered others the advice of focusing more on understanding and love than truth and doctrine.  He reached out to me because, in his words, "I better practice what I preach."  He read my two latest blog posts, which I now realize were probably the two best ones for him to read.

In terms of church topics, we talked about the priesthood ban, the emphasis on truth when the church is sometimes not forthcoming about the whole truth (and the feeling of betrayal that causes), and a little about Joseph Smith.  We also talked about God and religion more generally.  He was very open-minded, and while he shared some of his views that I disagree with, he really seemed to have a primary motivation of making a friend and understanding my perspective.  In fact, that seemed like his only motivation.

I also shared with him why I didn't want to meet with the bishop.  Interviews with the bishop have been a major source of anxiety in my life, and even when it's not a worthiness interview, it seems like I was only ever punished for being honest, when I could have just smiled, nodded, withheld information, and enjoyed full participation in the church.  He completely validated my point of view, including when I mentioned that he invited me to meet with the bishop without giving me a reason.  He said something like, "Yeah it's always kind of secretive."

I also shared that I feel like the church is in an impossible position in terms of balancing its claims to divine revelation with the mistakes of church leaders.  I mentioned Elder Uchtdorf's talk where he admitted mistakes have been made, and I shared my view that a vague statement like that is insufficient in terms of addressing some ways that the church has caused a lot of pain.

He listened, and I felt heard.  When we parted ways, he said, "I appreciate you" and I felt like he meant it.

In fact, it feels weird to write this in a blog post because I've already been heard.  This blog is a place for me to express and process my thoughts, and I appreciate it when someone reads and comments.  But this time, someone has already listened and commented.

On the drive home, I was unexpectedly emotional.  When I got home and talked to my wife, I got emotional again.  She was so relieved that it went so well.  My last meeting with a church leader was the one I talked about in my Red Beard interview.  Granted, this wasn't a meeting with a church leader - it was lunch with a friend - but frankly, we didn't know for sure!

So Heidi was worried, and in retrospect, I realize was a bit apprehensive as well.  Was he inviting me because he was experiencing his own faith crisis?  Was he trying to "fellowship" me back into the church?  Did he know someone in a faith crisis?  Had I influenced someone in the ward with my Facebook posts or blog?  Was the bishop going to be at lunch?  Someone in the MSP group speculated that the ward was trying to arrange a disciplinary council for me.  I didn't think that was the case, but it wasn't a total impossibility.

Nope.  None of that.  He just wanted to get to know me and hear me out.

I can't describe how this affected me emotionally.  I don't think I've fully processed it.  As I said in a text to him afterward, "I felt like someone cared and believed me, and saw the good in me, instead of treating me like I'm wrong, lost, deceived, or simply a cause for sadness."

He wrote a very kind response, but now that he's a real person to me, it doesn't seem right to share it.

I am very grateful, and I have to admit, although I don't foresee myself going back to church, sincere acts of friendship sure do a lot to soothe the wounds I described in an earlier post.